Plantains...cubans just get it.

Ahi nama! Sometimes, simplicity is key. It's true for makeup, architecture, relationships, and food. It's less true if you are a drag queen, Gaudi enthusiast or DMV employee...but rarely is anything universally valid.

Rice, beans and PLANTAINS. What's complicated about that? Nothing. What's wonderful about that? Everything.

Gwen Stefani probably should have sang the praises of these mouth watering bringers of joy and love, but I understand that P-L-A-N-T-A-I-N doesn’t sound as hip-hoppity fun as B-A-N-A-N-A. None the less, I have written her people to correct the wrong.

PLANTAINS are a staple of diet in the Caribbean, South and Central America, several African countries, India and my kitchen.

By simple default of having eaten their version the most, Cubans get full credit for the best plantains I’ve had... and since I rarely order PLANTAINS alone, it's important to note that part of their appeal is how they compliment the meal. The fabulous versatility of this humble relative of the common banana is that it CAN be just dessert, but why leave it at that when you can mash them into your black beans and rice or on top of your garlic chicken. It works everywhere! You can't do that with cherry pie! Try as you might, pie + meat loaf will "no doubt" send you to a p-o-r-t-a-p-o-t-t-y faster than you can say bad joke.

How you like your PLANTAINS cooked is personal preference. Some like them a bit more firm and less sweet. I call those people wimps. I want mine as soft as possible (saves me the work when I'm mashing them into my beans and rice) and well coated in sticky, buttery sweetness.

My personal favorite Cuban spot in LA is El Cochinito. It means little pig... which is misleading because every time I go I am in fact a big pig. There are blog wars fought in LA over whether El Cochinito's down home charm (by charm I mean hole in the wall in a strip mall) and excellent food out weights Versailles more well known fare. Honestly, both are good. If I had to create the perfect LA-Cuban plate I would take Versailles garlic chicken (with extra sauce) and an order of their PLANTAINS and El Cochinitio’s black beans and rice along with their PLANTAINS. I'd also order the lechon asdado from both spots....but I digress.

If you live in LA, great. Try El Cochinito and Versailles and decide for yourself. If you live elsewhere, go mash some local PLANTAINS into local beans and rice and enjoy. If you live in Cuba...well done my friends, well done.

http://www.yelp.com/biz/el-cochinito-restaurant-los-angeles

http://www.versaillescuban.com/

Thanks Dee for turning me into a not so little pig.

Chouquette...you rocked my breakfast world.

When it comes to breakfast, I’ve always been more of a breakfast burrito girl. A pastry feels like dessert and that just seems like the gateway drug to my eating a Snickers bar with my coffee... and calling it the breakfast of champions. My morning cuisine world was rocked however when I met the humble CHOUQUETTE. It’s the French equivalent of the doughnut hole…except the French have the class not to use the word hole in their pastry of choice. Basically, it’s a flaky, buttery, puff pastry baked to golden perfection with nuggets of course sugar on the outside. Funny how so many delicious things have a simple ingredients list. The CHOUQUETTE boasts little more than flour, butter, salt, sugar, eggs and milk. There is nothing on the inside as not to spoil its simplicity. It’s a delicate, melt in your mouth treat served up in French bakeries in little paper sacks (to make it even more freakin’ cute). The correct pronunciation is Shoo-ket…but I just usually go with the standard classless “Ill have that” while pointing my finger at desired food item. The French also realize that something this good should not be relegated to one specific category such as breakfast. They eat it whenever they want and, as the French baker who introduced me said, “we eat them like you eat popcorn.” I immediately purchased a ticket to France, bought a summer home in the countryside and opened my own bakery…in my head.

I was introduced to the CHOUQUETTE in Portland’s Saint Honore Boulangerie, but they are popular in most French bakeries…and if you are a jet setter…in France. In doing my research, I did find several blogs arguing which bakeries in Paris serve excellent CHOUQUETTES, and which are to be spit upon (the French like to spit). Investigate appropriately as I would be devastated if an imposter ruined the experience for anyone. Also, don’t get the ones in plastic bags,…they’re bad for the environment. Free with purchase of each paper sack of CHOUQUETTES is a visual of yourself in a French café sipping espresso and watching the sun dapple the side of some awe inspiring architectural gem…or… an American tourist in white Reeboks and a fanny pack being berated by a French waiter for ordering the local delicacy, French fries. All beautiful.

Food trucks food trucks, I love you...gyros, pierogi and thai snacks too!

The FOOD TRUCK movement that has exploded onto the culinary scene and taken the country by storm has its roots in both a paradigm shift of entrepreneurial thinking ("think big" is now "think smart") and the economic state of things (our belts are so tight we're wearing corsets).

Once the foray of churro stands and hot dog vendors, parking lots are sprouting FOOD TRUCKS like weeds. They offer a creative environment and the freedom to be your own boss. Everyone from maverick chefs to the housewife with a great recipe repertoire has a shot at the prize...a long line of hungry customers and a writeup in notable food publications. Financially, the yearly permit on a FOOD TRUCK versus a restaurant lease is the difference between tent camping and renting out the Taj Mahal.

What does it mean for foodies? Not only does the food come considerably cheaper from a truck (my gyro from a highly touted truck in Portland cost me $7...smaller overhead = lower price) but the core of cuisine, taste, is the only selling point. The playing field is level. All the other factors that diners pay for are eliminated; ambiance, architecture, table service, posh clientele, singing waiters, location...gone, gone, gone. When 30 trucks line up in a parking lot the only competitive edge is the quality of the food they serve. Only the really tasty can survive when there is nothing to hide behind. And where have you ever seen so many options within one block...Thai, Greek, Polish, Vietnamese, Bosnian, Mexican, French, Korean, vegan, Italian.... No restaurant has to endure that much competition within, literally, a few paces. Keeps everyone at the top of their game.

What do you look for when you see a parking lot of trucks? A line. I look for the locals... construction workers, cops, meter maids...those are the return customers. This very morning in Portland (home to a thriving and fabulous FOOD TRUCK scene) I grabbed a breakfast burrito from a truck where a group of hard-hatters were doing the same. The burrito was awesome. Over 3 days I ate at Portland's FOOD TRUCKS 6 times, always looking for lines... with a 98% success rate.

So find a lot-o-trucks and remember the golden rule...if the garbage guy is there then it's probably worth getting in line...cause he's not there for the chandeliers or to be seen.

Search online for FOOD TRUCKS in your area. Most of them have twitter accounts (weird). Here are two for LA and Portland...

http://www.findlafoodtrucks.com

http://www.foodcartsportland.com

*FOOD TRUCKS also sometimes go by the code name "food carts." Don't let that fool you.

Foie Gras Burger...duck meet cow meet my mouth.

It's widely believed that making a good burger is simple. It's so ubiquitous that one is lulled into the assumption that it's easily perfected… just throw some meat on a grill, flip it over, toss it on a bun with a bunch of extras and viola! However, my little grasshopper, the act that seems so simple is in fact an art form, attempted by many yet perfected by few. I love a good burger...who doesn’t (vegetarians excluded from previous comment), but the truth is that I rarely find a burger that really makes me want to come back. The fact that there is an endless array of possibilities within the simple idea of burgerdom adds to the dilemma. A well made burger can be as simple as meat on bread, yet with the right blend of beef (or sometimes more exotic fare) and skill in preparation, it can stand its ground against any bells and whistles laden competitor. With that said, I am always a fan of chefs going out on a limb to try something new and creative. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't... but the attempt is always appreciated and admired. One such burger that I encountered on a recent visit to Seattle was the FOIE GRAS BURGER with black truffle and artichoke aiioli at Campagne. Like all food, especially of the more exotic variety, it attracts a certain palate…and a certain moral persuasion. I won’t get into the ethics of foie gras, but I will simply state that I find it delicious. If ducks found such great joy in the act of eating my liver, I could hardly blame them for doing so. Anyway, the burger caught my attention immediately. That’s a start, but by no means a guaranteed finger-licker since a jellybean and banana burger would equally catch my eye…and then see me through to the restroom at a determined pace that you can’t mistake for anything other than someone about to be ill. The FOIE GRAS BURGER, however, arrived and delivered. The delicate Wagyu beef complimented the two slices of buttery foie gras in a way that brought out the flavor of both without canceling each other out. I was initially a bit concerned about the marinated onion overpowering the meat but the marinating Gods smiled favorably on these onions and took the whole operation up a notch. I prefer my burgers medium rare, unless the house recommends otherwise, and the FOIE GRAS BURGER was just as moist as it should be without creating a murder scene on my plate. Well done Campagne well done.

http://www.campagnerestaurant.com/camp_menu.html

*This will not be my only burger post as a good burger is always worthy of a writeup.

Badminton Cup...I'm so glad I was driven to drink so I could find you!

I don't drink. I haven't in years. The fun thing about not drinking is that when you tell people you don't drink they look at you funny, and, if they're brave, they ask "Oh, did you have a problem?" My answer is "Yes, yes I did. It made me fat." Truth is, I rather eat a slice of cake than suck down the same amount of calories in a cocktail. All this brings me to how I found the great and wonderful BADMINTON CUP. My last job taught me the meaning of the term 'driven to drink.' I found myself working on a project that was such a disaster, people, with genuine concern, said to me "Kinga, be careful. This might be a reality show. Maybe they are trying to see what your snapping point is."

Just short of that snapping point we found ourselves at The Slanted Door in San Francisco. God bless that place. We made them furious, were totally unprofessional and yet they still took wonderful care of us. At one point I found myself face to frosty glass with a beautifully presented cocktail... The BADMINTON CUP. I stared at it for a moment, mesmerised by the perfect sprig of mint blossoming from the fresh slice of cucumber; the drink itself, opaque in a way that implies a subtle sweetness with tart undertones; and a dimly lit atmosphere complete with sad music (playing in my head)...then I reached out with the desperate gesture of a person grasping at something that will slow their decent into madness and acts of violence... and without a second thought, sucked half of it down. Now, I might not be a drinker, but I do know a good drink. This one was magical. It was delicious. It was sweet, but not too sweet. It was just tart enough to hit the taste buds with enough force to activate the salivary glands, with a hint of mint that tied it all together and at once complimented each individual ingredient...a perfect blend of Plymouth gin, lime, mint and cucumber, served long. Most importantly, it kept me from doing something drastic...like going back to my room and ordering $800 worth of room service dessert.

If this entry sounds like an excerpt from my diary, forgive me, it is. It just so happens that my diary entry is about an absolutely fantastic drink. I think that's fair.

http://www.slanteddoor.com/

Thank you fate for orchestrating events in such a way that I was forced to find myself enjoying this delightful drink.

Funnel Cake...deep fried nostalgia.

I wish I could revise the food pyramid. Its outdated anyway so someone should. If that someone were me, it would look something like this:

6-11 servings of fried things,

3-5 servings of stuff with truffle oil on it,

2-4 servings of hot dogs...fully loaded,

2-3 servings of thai food,

And finally, use green leafy stuff sparingly.

Speaking of deep fried...there is one food item held in esteem above all others in this department...the FUNNEL CAKE. Deep fried dough covered in powdered sugar and cinnamon (I skip the fruit toppings for a more pure experience) and a native habitat of fairs, carnivals, sporting events, piers and amusement parks...its the pegasus of fried foods. I only indulge a few times a year since regular consumption would diminish the funnel cake's magical nostalgia inducing-properties... and also probably kill me.

I like to envision Norman Rockwell creating his iconic paintings while eating FUNNEL CAKE and drinking a Coke...Oh, and wrapped in an American flag while humming "Take Me Out to the Ball Game" on a freshly mowed lawn. Awkward? Not in the slightest!

I salute you oh mighty FUNNEL CAKE, oh bringer-inner of summer.

If you live in LA, your year round options are The Grove ( in the old school farmers market) and the Santa Monica Pier. If you live in the midwest, its probably sold in your local gas station. East coast residents can most likely hit up their local pier or sea side amusement park, and boast that their region is where the mighty FUNNEL CAKE originated in the US. If it ever comes up at trivia night...or if you really want to impress a date...go ahead and throw out that the FUNNEL CAKE is part of Pennsylvania Dutch cuisine with Germanic roots (I'd be impressed...but I don't know about normal girls).

If you like FUNNEL CAKE, you might also like: lemonade, the sound of cicadas, the smell of honeysuckle, golden retrievers, BBQ, muscle cars and hanging out at Wal Mart.

Japanese Chicken Meatballs...delicious wobbly bits.

Meatballs are like hot dogs. No one really knows what's in them, but they are so tasty that we ignore the unsettling feeling they might be made from the wobbly bits of various critters. Yakitori is Japanese grilled, skewered chicken. What I like about the Japanese is that they own their wobbly bits and proudly list them on the menu. At Nanban-Kan the CHICKEN MEATBALLS are delicious and one might safely assume that they are made from the non funky pieces of chicken. How do I make this sleuth like deduction? Because the funky pieces of chicken are listed all on their own. You can order skewered chicken skin, chicken tails, chicken neck, chicken cartilage and chicken liver (other creatures of land and sea are available in tasty skewered form as well). So, my point is that if all those lovely parts are being used in their own right, then the CHICKEN MEATBALLS are probably made with the boring ole leftover white breast meat. Here's a confession....I was eating with a friend who might not be used to my odd eating habits, so when I saw chicken tails on the menu (my favorite part of a chicken) I desperately wanted to indulge, but was embarassed. My loss. I'll have to go back and dive right into the funky stuff. Wobbly bits are generally my favorite bits.

Everything we ordered was very tasty (the lamb was also excellent), but I chose the CHICKEN MEATBALLS for blogging purposes because they were the standout favorite. The fact that everything on the menu is between $4 and $9 is pretty good too. Portions are small, but that gives you more opportunity to try a variety. We ordered up a storm between the two of us and our bill was under $60. Nice.

http://www.yelp.com/biz/nanbankan-los-angeles

Thanks Julie for the recommendation and thanks Jenn for testing it out with me! Next time I hope you are up for chicken tails.

Sriracha Chili Sauce...its really good, but skip the rooster tattoo.

If you don't like your food hot and spicy...stop reading this and go do something else. Maybe color coordinate your sock drawer...and I'll see you for the next post.

For those who do love a kick in the ole taste buds, I have your holy grail, SRIRACHA CHILI SAUCE. How hot is it? Well on the Scoville scale it's about a 2,200. What the hell is the Scoville scale you ask? It's the measure of the spicy heat a chili pepper puts out according to its capsaicin content. Capsaicin is the chemical compound that makes it burn your skin. Highest Scoville rating is 16 million. For comparison: police grade pepper spray is 5,300,000 and Tabasco is between 30,000 and 50,000. So really, SRIRACHA CHILI SAUCE isn't all that hot. Don't be fooled thought, it certainly has umpf.

Its contents are Thai chili paste (made from red jalapeno peppers) with garlic, vinegar, salt and sugar...no bits of real rooster as far as I know. The thing is, it's not just spicy, it also has a great flavor. That means you can stick it on pretty much anything...and Viola! The back of the bottle gives a really random list of uses: soups, hot dogs, pizza, hamburgers (mix it with a bit of mayo), chow mein and pasta. Well, that pretty much runs the gauntlet of variety. I'm actually eating it on a veggie burger right now, yesterday I put it on shrimp and the day before that I drizzled it on sauteed brussels sprouts. Basically, anything short of ice cream is legal...even then...it might just work.

Its made by Huy Fong (look for the rooster on the bottle) and has spread in popularity so much (10 million bottles a year) that now even Wal-Mart carries it.

Wal-Mart not a strong enough endorsement for you? Well one dude had the rooster tattooed on his leg...

https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCIibRvIYRWb7Y3AMmH_hNEsLFZV2kSQVylfOEdZdyZufjtFaG3vHhA_QfoDKCp3dEq0_vxF0cXTYnJ4uogSMkAztZPAaHgw_8hEZGF1XiFBeOzYjzZS8KUw1j4Chnltzn32eJCQGZpSE/s1600-r/Sriracha+Leg.JPG

SRIRACHA CHILI SAUCE is really good....it's not that good...Let's hope he wasn't sober.

For the rest of us, lets just stick to putting it on food.

http://www.huyfong.com/no_frames/sriracha.htm

Blueberries...I feel so much closer to you now.

My parents took me on an outing today. I realize that sounds like I am institutionalized or under the age of four, but outing is such a nice word that suggests a throwback to simpler times when families used to do things together....like slave in the hot sun for food. That's exactly what we did...and it was awesome. See, buying food from a local farm is very in vogue right now. Actually going to a farm and picking it yourself is so hip the entire population of Silverlake is probably moving there as you read this. There being a farm. A farm being Underwood Family Farms in this case.

My folks and I picked BLUEBERRIES for about two hours. That equated to four large boxes and a stomach ache. It's a genuine good time and way less expensive than buying them from a store. Plus, you can never beat fresh and sun ripened. As an added bonus, blueberry season is summer so you will sweat off a pound... or twelve... working the field. Might be a good thing to do right before a big event or date. It's also very cathartic. I mean that both in the emotional and digestive sense. As the thought "one for me, one for the box" cycles in your head you get lulled in to a very peaceful place...until the digestive part hits. Oh, and BLUEBERRIES blow away the competition when it comes to antioxidants. So, you get your exercise, mediation and a healthy treat all in one place.

If you have kids, they'd probably enjoy it too. Well, they'd enjoy it more than other score-your-own-food options like: pick your own pork chop, collect your own foie gras, or name your own calf before we turn him into veal.

The farm we went to is outside of LA, but there are farms all across the country that let you do the same thing. Go. It's fun.

http://www.underwoodfamilyfarms.com/index.html

Thanks mom and dad for a fun day. Also, thank you for reading my blog and always telling me how funny I am. Please don't ever stop doing that.

Trader Joe's Wild Mushroom & Black Truffle Flatbread...you don't suck.

Lets see...crispy flatbread, black truffles, mozzarella cheese, wild mushrooms (not caged)...um, ok.

Best thing about this delightful treat is that it works as a snack OR meal. You can't say that about everything you know...take rack of lamb for instance. Great meal, bad snack. However, the suggested way to eat this delicacy is to cut it into strips and serve it as an appetizer. That works if you're into the whole sharing thing. My way of serving it is: 1 flatbread for breakfast, 1 flatbread for lunch, 1 more flatbread for dinner...possible additional flatbreads as snacks in between meals. Then, fall asleep and dream about eating flatbread.

Oh, remember the bottle of white truffle oil I posted a while back? If you've developed a bit of a truffle obsession (seems to be contagious), you can bust it out and sprinkle this WILD MUSHROOM & BLACK TRUFFLE FLATBREAD with it. Did I say sprinkle? I meant dump the bottle. Not that the flatbread can't stand alone, it most certainly can. I'd even say try it alone first. If you've already tapped a vein and have a white truffle oil IV going straight into your blood stream, that should suffice too.
The package says you can cut it up and put it on salad. That's just weird. Then you would have soggy flatbread on lettuce. Don't believe everything you read...except for this blog.

Package also says "Product of Italy." It's a good idea to put that on things like pizza, shoes, cheese and men. Really ups the appeal.
This flatbread can be found at Trader Joe's. Occasionally, I have found Italian men there also. No shoe department yet unfortunately. Ill keep looking.

Good job on this find Natalie. Keep looking for other things labeled "Product of Italy"...give them my number.

Dink's Pit BBQ Sauce...you know its good cause it has the word "Pit" in it

Tip of the day: A good BBQ restaurant should look as close to a dilapidated, smoke filled shack as possible. If you encounter one that is fancy and 'upscale'... run away. It should also have a lot of trucks parked in front made by Chevy, Ford or GMC. None of the trucks should be clean nor resemble a Range Rover in any way. Gun racks in those trucks are also a good sign. The clientele can vary but make sure there are at least 3 people in there who look like they can kick your ass.

Now, about BBQ sauce: Devotion to a particular sauce is totally personal and subjective. However, this is my blog so I'm going to claim that DINK'S PIT BBQ SAUCE is one of the best around bar none (I don't know what bar none means but it sounds very final). I like sweet sauce. Dink's is sweet. Done. Its located in my home town of Bartlesville, Oklahoma, and for 10 years I've been shipping it to Los Angles. Is BBQ in LA that bad you ask? Eh, it's alright, but not fantastic by far.

Dink's has served me well over the years; hamburgers, chicken, brisket and that one time I threw it on myself to camouflage a puppy poop stain while at a new boyfriend's house (True story. Full statement of events disclosed at request).

How does Oklahoma BBQ differ from the rest? Here's a quick lesson: Midwest (Kansas/Oklahoma/Texas) are known for thick, sweet and spicy tomato based sauce...lots of brisket. Memphis is more of a dry rub...big on ribs. Carolinas have a thinner, vinegar based sauce. Those are the most important ones...in my humble opinion. You can break it down further and add other regions...but Ill just stick to shipping mine in from Dinks and pouring it on myself in the event of another unfortunate puppy incident.

http://www.dinksbbq.com/

Kombucha...tastes like vinegar and has gunk floating in it. Yum!

If you still want to drink it after reading the title, I'm impressed. I just wanted to get the major cons out of the way so that we can only go up from here (this philosophy probably doesn't work as well on dates). KOMBUCHA is a fermented drink made from a colony of bacteria and yeast. Still not interested? Well, it reportedly has a lot of health benefits like boosting immune system and preventing cancer. Sticking it to cancer is always a bonus. None of those claims are etched in stone, but I do think its refreshing and yummy. Ill etch that in stone any day of the week. Etch is a fun word and very underused these days.
KOMBUCHA is one of those things where people who like it, love it. People who don't like it, make those really scrunched up faces and say intelligent things like "ewwwww" when someone else is drinking it in their presence.

This would probably be a good place to go off on a tangent...There is no faster way to look like a baboon in a barrel (don't ask) than to make disgusted faces and "ewwww" at another persons food. Major pet peeve of mine. I always try to picture someone whom I respect: Meryl Streep, the Dali Lama, Jacques Cousteau or my parents doing something like that... and I just can't picture it (although it's funny to try). I don't care if someone is eating cat poop. If you don't want to eat it, don't, but let them eat their cat poop in peace...Whew!

Back to the KOMBUCHA...there are several brands out there so do your research.

Disclaimer:If you are not miraculously healed from all your woes, from hangnails to shellfish allergies, by the consumption of this odd yet tasty fermented beverage, its not my fault.

Young Thai Coconuts...get your mind out of the gutter.

I was wondering why a lot of dirty old men were logging onto my food blog, and then it hit me...they love food too!
So, back to the fresh, YOUNG THAI COCONUTS....Coconut water is so hip and cool these days, and that's great because it's fantastically good for you, but drinking it straight from the coconut is like night and day to the boxed kind. It tastes like a freakin' sugar cookie melted in there! Delicious! Plus it makes you feel like you're in a romantic fantasy on a deserted island and some tan, beautiful man just climbed a palm tree to bring you a coconut as a sign of his undying love for you..... no? is it just me? so be it then.
Asian markets are the place to go because you'll pay half the price. If you're in LA, the 99 Ranch Markets are my stop. 9 coconuts for $8.99......While you're there, get the coconut opener (red thing next to coconut in photo). Your other option is to whack it open with a machete like knife, (which does make you look way cooler) but if you like all your fingers, trust me and get the opener. If you want to get at the coconut meat on the inside you are going to have to whack it open with a machete like knife. Frankly, having only 4 fingers is a great conversation starter.
I've been known to sit and drink 4 or 5 of these in a row. I've also been known to complain that I drank too many coconuts and now my stomach hurts.

Thanks Erin for turning me on to YOUNG THAI COCONUTS....(that sounds weird to say)

ACAI BOWL...makes you feel Brazilian.

I have a few Brazilian friends. They are super fit and smokin' hot. That doesn't really have much to do with this post, as I doubt the acai gives them their amazing genes, but its worth a mention if you ever want to come to one of my BBQs and oogle them.
I went to Brazil a while back and was introduced to the ACAI BOWL. I, of course, went overboard and ate it daily till my lips were stained purple (it looked pretty good actually). When I got home, I bought a purple lipstick that reminded me of the acai lip stain... but what I really wanted was to recreate the darn ACAI BOWL. Pre made ones at health food stores never quite hit the spot. I finally found this frozen one at Whole Foods (which we lovingly call Whole Paycheck... but if you're gonna spend your money on something, it might as well be your health). As always, look around and you'll find several brands to choose from.
It tastes like crap alone which is a good sign. Plain acai berries aren't tasty. Also it doesn't have a lot of funky ingredients. Rule of thumb (what your thumb has to do with rules is beyond me) should be that if a product has more letters than my real last name (szpakiewicz) don't eat it...unless it tastes really, really good...

Toss in some of your favorite granola, one organic banana and viola! Breakfast is served!

Thank you Dani and Colin for taking me to Brazil with you! I did my best to be as non-embarassing as possible.

Bean and Cheese Burrito...when "filthy" is a compliment.

If there was ever a perfect food, it'd be a burrito...tasty, cheap, easy to eat, filling. Negatives could only be that most of them give you the wind something awful... and probably aren't on the AHA's list of things to eat regularly. I can live with that.

Dos Burritos runs their operation out of a closet sized space in a semi seedy part of Hollywood...which makes them perfect. Tasty, authentic burrito joints should always be in semi to moderately seedy areas and never be spacious or upscale. As you can see in the photo, this partially devoured BEAN AND CHEESE BURRITO is massive, fabulous and messy. Proper terminology for such a work of art is "filthy." Filthy delicious that is. Whatever they use to make it, it works. Enough beans in that thing to feed an army through winter, perfect amount of cheese and their salsa is pretty darn tasty too (and hot). I ate mine sitting in my car. I love eating in my car. People stared. I didn't care.

Oh, and Dos Burritos is open till 3 am. AFTER PARTY!!!!!

http://www.yelp.com/biz/dos-burritos-los-angeles-5

Thanks Albert for the heads up on this place . Thanks JB for teaching me the meaning of a filthy burrito.

Pumpkin Bread...made by nuns = holy deliciousness Batman!

This tasty morsel of nourishment for the body and soul sorta makes me wonder why Jesus multiplied loafs of plain ole bread rather than mouth watering pumpkin loaf...an oversight I'm sure. Its always fun when tasty food also has an interesting story, and this one is pretty good... To get the PUMPKIN BREAD you have to visit the Monastery of the Angels in the heart of Hollywood. There, in the gift shop, you can buy the loaf as well as a variety of candies (I got fudge with walnuts and it was also scrumptious). It's all made by the cloistered Dominican nuns who have devoted themselves to a contemplative life of prayer and study. If you go for the novelty, you won't be disappointed by the taste... the nuns have had plenty of time to perfect their recipe and it shows. No word on whether nuns use organic ingredients, but if there was ever food made with a dash of love and devotion, this is it. Its like a holy bake sale!

As a side note, I ate half the loaf in one sitting, and although I prayed for my stomach to stop hurting, God informed me that I have free will and shouldn't be a glutton. Fair enough Man Upstairs, fair enough.

http://www.op-stjoseph.org/nuns/angels/

Thanks Megan for this great idea and for going with me to try it out! Any word on nuns who BBQ?

John's Garden Caesar Salad...an Oscar worthy average joe.

Its always amazing when something so wide spread and so simple stands out from the rest. It sort of gives me hope in an acting career....
What restaurant doesn't serve caesar salad? You're never going to sit down at dinner with someone, order the caesar, and hear, "wow, you're really going out on a limb today." The problem with it being so common, is that no one really expects it to be anything special...which is how reality TV people get acting jobs in the first place. But, when a regular ole caesar salad comes along that really stands out, it explodes on the scene like Carey Mulligan in The Greatest. Look, I don't know if this post is about food or acting anymore. I got confused after the first line... But the point is that the JOHN'S GARDEN CAESAR SALAD is delicious and something about it makes people claim it's the best caesar salad they've ever had. Other than the salad being yummy, you can walk over from the beach to get it and eat in Malibu's Crosscreek shopping area. There you can enjoy your meal while people watching and occasionally being trampled by paparazzi running to photograph someone famous. You will also be treated to hearing, "you be good out there" when you order your food, as that is the standard John's Garden out-phrase. A good reminder that you shouldn't order your salad and then go mug someone.

Base model: comes with the usual lettuce, tomato, croutons, parmesan cheese and dressing.

Model as shown: with added chicken and avocado

John's Garden
3835 Cross Creek Rd
Malibu, CA 90265

Indian Candy Salmon....best reason I've ever heard to overfish.

If salmon just swam around all candied like this, I would overfish the hell out of them myself. This INDIAN CANDY SALMON from Santa Monica Seafood walked into my life one day and now I have to go there in disguise (or send my sister) so I'm not the weird girl who shows up way too much. Basically, its a smoked salmon candied in what my palate has detected to be salt, brown sugar and natural hardwood smoke. Its also written on the sign, but whatever, I'd trust my palate over a dumb ole sign any day. This is definitely on the list of foods that you can eat till you feel sick. That list is quite long for me, and I might have a problem, but that's irrelevant to this post. As with most things, if you don't live near a Santa Monica Seafood, and planning your family's yearly vacation around INDIAN CANDY SALMON is out of the question, I bet you can find it near you in a good, fresh seafood store. Or, if you are a trapper living in Alaska, just add brown sugar to your monthly food drop and make it yourself. Watch out for bears as everyone knows they like candied anything...

www.santamonicaseafood.com

Have'a Corn Chips...OMG, why are these not the California state chip.

I get it, the Garibaldi is orange and stuff, but its a fish and we can't even eat it because its freakin' protected. What the Golden State needs is a golden delicious chip to represent it. I nominate the HAVE'A CORN CHIPS. So simple: corn, soybean oil, soy sauce, and a dash of lime. I suspect there is something else, like ground unicorn or fairy laughter shoved in there too to make them so addictive and delicious... but I don't think those are organic... so I understand why they wouldn't be forthcoming about using them. No one wants non free range unicorn additives listed on their ingredients label. Anyhow, what really makes these chips special is the soy. I suggest you take up my strategy and pre-open each bag yourself, removing all the darker (soy soaked) chips for your own enjoyment before anyone beats you to it. This has caused a lot of strife in my household, but its totally worth it.
Rumor has it the chips are made by Hare Krishnas... this is apparently false and totally ridiculous since everyone knows they are made by the vampires from Twilight.
I also just read something awful...HAVE'A CORN CHIPS aren't available everywhere?!! Thats the saddest thing I've ever heard right after Babmbi's mother getting shot.
Good thing you can find them online and have them shipped to you! Whew!

Farm Fresh To You..... veggie delivery!?? what's next, pizza? hahaha....oh.

A large box of fresh, organic vegetables arrived on my doorstep today. I am so glad they didn't run into the pizza or Chinese delivery guy cause wouldn't that just be embarrassing. Or, what if I was walking up with a big bucket of KFC. hahaha. Ok, I could go on and on....
FARM FRESH TO YOU.....is fresh stuff from a local farm that comes straight to you. Right, just like the name says. You can get fruits, veggies or both. You can get them in a small box, medium box or big box and you can eat them with a fox in the rain and on a train......you get the point. Its all up to you, even how often you get the delivery. I started with once every three weeks, but plan to update to 3 times a day as soon as they add cookies.
Honestly, I was impressed with how much you get. I chose the box with just veggies. It cost me $31.50 and came loaded with everything from mushrooms, carrots, avocados, sweet potatoes, onion, salad, squash, cucumber, lima beans and radishes to kale and rapini (I think they invented rapini because I've never heard of it before).

www.farmfreshtoyou.com


Thanks Bonnie for the info. If you hear of a farm that delivers a petting zoo to your door, let me know.

White Truffle Oil...I'd go to jail to have you.

Take note of this bottle of WHITE TRUFFLE OIL because it shouldn't be this easy to find. Usually when things are this good, they are illegal or you have to climb some mountain and talk to a monk to get them...or you can just ship them in from Canada. I'm a little suspect that all I have to do to get this liquid love is drive to Whole Foods (clearly not the only place to find it), possibly fight a little old lady for the last bottle and drive home laughing like I'm insane... muahahahah.
Passion is healthy. Obsession is crossing the line...and I've crossed it. I love WHITE TRUFFLE OIL more than a person should. I carry it in my purse to restaurants where I pour it on pizza, breads and pasta dishes that were prepared by a chef... who is now glaring at me for bringing my own condiments to his establishment. Such a restaurant faux pas apparently! Im a stalker. I look it up online to see what else I can put it on: mashed potatoes, salads, french fries, sushi... I'm afraid I'll end up on How to Catch a Predator. Well, at least Im not bathing in it yet. Yet.......

Thank you Natalie for burdening me with this obsession.

Cholada Pumpkin...the only fitting start to my blog.

Dear God,
Thank you for my mom, dad, sister (even though she keeps borrowing my clothes), health, happiness and CHOLADA PUMPKIN. You Sir (or Ma'am) really outdid yourself here. I mean, through your plentiful gifts the Thai people learned to soak chunks of pumpkin squash in a spicy Thai chili sauce that is so delicious I want to do a keg stand of it. And they didn't just stop with the pumpkin. They added eggplant and basil. Then, if that wasn't enough, they let me add shrimp (or chicken or tofu) I'm so full. No, one more bite. I can't breathe. Yes, I'm gonna finish that!
For those of you in the LA area, Cholada Thai Cuisine is a little blue shack off PCH just north of Topanga. For those of you who don't live in LA, print the photo and demand that your local Thai restaurant recreate it...or else. ("or else" always sounds so wonderfully threatening when you really have nothing to back it up with).
"now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep, and if I die before I wake, I pray the Lord to provide CHOLADA PUMPKIN in heaven or it won't really be heaven."

www.choladathaicuisine.com